Uhhhh. I don't remember being this uncomfortable at 39+ weeks with Houston. I have extra fluid this time so my belly is HUGE and I have stretch marks. I never knew stretch marks were so darn uncomfortable since I didn't get any last time. I hope I don't watch my due date come and go again. I think I might cry if I wake up on Sunday still pregnant.
I remember when I was pregnant with Houston ... a couple of days after my due date I went to the grocery store and the cashier asked me when I was due ... I told her "two days ago". I thought she was going to pass out right there. I can still remember the look on her face. She told me I needed to go home and rest.
This time I'm not even at my due date yet and I don't feel like I could make it through a full grocery shopping trip. This whole being pregnant while caring for a toddler is really a lot more work than I thought it was going to be. At this point at least. It was rough for the first trimester because I was sick and didn't want to get up off the couch, the second trimester was much better, but the third has truly been a challenge. I had so much more energy last time but I didn't work during the third trimester with Houston. This time I have the 24-hour-a-day job of taking care of a less-than-two year old who is trying to enter his terrible two's early and trying to do some engineering work from home at the same time. Not the best combination, to say the least.
I had a really rough day today. I finally decided around 4:30 to stick Houston in the carseat and go for a drive, hoping he would take a nap. Sure enough about two minutes after we got in the car he fell asleep. So giving in to the stress of the day I went to the S&S and got a fountain coke and a three muskateers ... not the best idea for someone this pregnant but I felt I really deserved it after the day I had. And three muskateers claims to have 45% less fat than the leading candy bar! =-P So as Houston peacefully slept in the back seat, I drove around with my coke and candy bar and thought about the day. Trying to figure out what's different and what I may be doing to encourage the events of the day. And then the light came on ... it's totally me, not Houston. Okay so it is Houston acting but it's definitely due to my parenting. He's seeking attention.
Up until a month and a half or so ago Houston and I got out of the house all the time. I took him to story time every friday at the library where he got to run around with kids his age that he has been going to the library with since he was about six months old. We were also going to the Kids Love Drums class in Gainesville on wednesdays where he got to expend some energy and also play with some of his friends from the moms group that we've been going to since he was only a couple of months old. We would go to visit daddy at his office and walk across the street to the park. Also, at home we played outside more and I got down on the floor and played with him much more. Now I find myself trying to see how many days I can go without leaving the house ... so far my record is six. That's a long time for Houston to not see anyone but me and his dad. It's so hot out that we don't play outside like we used to. I can only take about 30 minutes and he will stay out there and play for three hours at a time or more if you let him. And I can't tell you when the last time was that I drove him to Gainesville during the week. Either for drums or to run around at the Farmer's Market with some of the other mom's group toddlers. The last time we made it to the library was the friday before Easter ... and it's right here in Lake City. It's so hard for me to get up off the floor now that I haven't sat down there and played with him in weeks. I would probably be acting out too.
So I left the house feeling extremely frustrated with Houston and came home feeling very frustrated with myself that I have let him down already. You see, my biggest fear in having another baby so soon is that Houston will not get the attention he deserves. I know it will be a challenge but I keep telling myself that I can work it out. Just make sure Houston gets some time alone with me each day and that when the little one sleeps to make sure I pay extra attention to Houston. And now I have realized that i'm already dropping the ball and the new baby isn't even born yet! Yikes!
If you are reading this and wondering what Houston has been up to here are a few examples. I wanted to sweep the floor today, as I do twice a day, every day ... as you would too if you had four dogs. So first I had to pick up the building blocks all over the floor and put them in the wagon that they belong in. I picked them up and went to get the broom ... but before I even reached the broom I hear Houston dump the wagon over and all the blocks are now back on the floor. So I sit down again and try to put them all up and now Houston starts pulling them out of the wagon and throwing them all over the living room. I was so frustrated that I gave up on sweeping the floor. Now I realize that he was probably looking at all this as a way to keep mama playing with blocks on the floor. He wasn't trying to drive me crazy, just wanting some attention. I had been working on a job on the computer for the previous two hours so when he got me in the living room with him I guess he wanted me to stay there.
Another new trick of his is to act like he can't hear you telling him to stop doing something he's not supposed to. Up until recently, if you told him to stop doing something, he would stop. Now he continues getting into whatever it is with this mischevious look on his face and starts laughing.
Also, i've been knitting some hats for the new baby with some really soft wool yarn I bought. Well Houston thinks it's hillarious to sneak up and try to pull one of the knitting needles right out of my hand, which removes all the stitches from the needle and causes me to have to start all over. If I were a more experienced knitter I could probably pick up the stitches and move on ... but i'm not ... so I can't. I just taught myself how to knit a few months ago.
I could go on with stories from today but I think you get the picture by now. I really hope I have this baby soon so that I can once again move around. For my own sake and for Houston's. It will be nice to get out of the house once again as well. Some of my mom's group friends have come up here to Lake City to visit me which has been great. If only I had friends like those here in Lake City. Stay-at-home moms with kids Houston's age and another on the way. It really is a great group of ladies and almost all of us are working on round two. Two mamas have had a second baby in the last five or six months and three of us are now pregnant. And all of our "older" children are within a year of eachother, most within just a few months of eachother.
Well I could probably ramble on for another hour or so but I better go get some sleep instead. Tonight could be the night!
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Celena! I feel for you. I still tell myself that if only I could spend some alone time with Gabe everyday... and he is 8! It truely doesn't happen but my hope for it still does. You are not alone in your parenting guilt, it comes with the territory and I haven't found the cure yet. It just means you care. If you are still pregnant next week, we'll come visit you, Monday maybe?
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