Friday, March 30, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
And speaking of the boys .... Brett is going to have his first night alone with them on saturday. It will also be the first night i've spent away from Brody and only the second night i've spent away from Houston. Don't tell him I said so, but I think Brett is in for a rough night. I feel a little guilty about leaving Brody since he is still nursing but I know he'll be okay. He eats plenty and really doesn't nurse that often. He does like to have his milk in the middle of the night though ... which is where it's going to be tough for Brett. He doesn't nurse to sleep though, he prefers to rock, so that makes it easier for me to leave him. Houston always nursed to sleep so for anyone else to get him down for the night, or even for a nap, was quite a chore. You may be wondering where i'm going without my family in tow so I suppose i'll fill you in on that as well. I'm going to a knitters slumber party! How cool is that? (i'm easily amused, can you tell?) Knitting, wine, chick flicks and female friendship ... does it get any better than that??? Oh yeah ... and add some Gator Basketball Final Four action! :)
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
My dearest aunt, my Aunt Ellen, died 15 years ago from cancer. I have a sweater that I bought on a shopping trip with her about 18 years ago. I can't seem to let go of this sweater even though it's been at least 10 years since i've worn it. I feel like i'm letting go of her if I let go of the sweater. I realize I feel this way about a lot of things. Holding onto things has become a way of holding onto the past for me. This is why i've decided to do some major spring cleaning. I feel like I can no longer grow as a person until I allow myself to let go of some of the baggage from the past.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Even though I didn't get to do even half of the stuff I wanted to do while down in Bradenton, I did make some serious decisions about the state of my life. I didn't get to see all the friends and family that I wanted to see. I didn't make it to the gym even once. I didn't get to read my latest book on decluttering. I didn't get to do our taxes. I didn't spend any noteworthy amount of time knitting, aside from finishing the bunny on my first two days there. In fact, I'm not really sure what I did in that many days aside from some thinking. Well okay, I changed diapers and fed the kids and rocked to sleep and gave baths, etc. Can't get away from that stuff no matter where I go. Kids still require being taken care of.
One really good thing that came from my time away is that I was able to think clearly without the clutter of my life invading my thoughts and emotions. And this is what I decided ... it has to go! All of it. I'm tired of so much stuff staring at me in every room of this house. And mostly, i'm tired of feeling bad about myself every time I walk in my bedroom and see the piles of clothes in both closets and both dressers and not being able to find anything to wear that makes me feel good about myself. I've had two babies, large ones at that, and apparently i'm not going to be that little size 6 again anytime soon. And ya know what ... if I am then halla-frikin-luya ... i'll go buy some more clothes that fit the thirty-something Celena vs. the ones that fit the twenty-something Celena. And i'll be much happier for it. I don't know why I have held on to all of these "phases of clothes", as I like to call them. I realized something this past week about myself and I think i'm going to be a much happier person for it. I tend to hold on to things as a way of holding on to the past or of holding on to something that I wish were true about myself. Time to let it go and start living in the reality of NOW.
So .... i've been going like a mad woman for the past day or so in our bedroom trying on every single peice of clothing and pair of shoes that I own. Here are some things that i've noticed:
1.) my feet have grown a 1/2 shoe size longer with each pregnancy
2.) my feet are wider than they used to be which, for me, is not good
3.) i was holding on to over 20 pairs of shoes that i can't even fit my feet into anymore
4.) if i haven't had a reason to wear a pair of shoes in the four years since i've moved back to florida ... then i don't need those shoes anymore
5.) the floor of our closet actually matches the floor in our kitchen and dining room .. who knew?!
6.) there's a reason i always feel like i don't have anything to wear
7.) dog hair travels farther than i thought ... i'm sure the dogs don't spend time in our closet yet i swept up an amazing amount of hair from under my shoes
8.) i can no longer successfully walk in high heels and therefore find no reason to allow them to clutter up my closet floor
Being a work-at-home-mom means that my house is my office and my home. I work here and I play here and it is here that is causing me a lot of stress. So ... i must do something about it. Nobody can fix it for me. Brett can provide some moral support and some childcare but aside from that it's all on me. Miss Nancy is having a yard sale on saturday so I have some serious motivation to get as much done by then as possible. I'm not going to kill myself over it so I have a prioritized list starting with the things that bother me the most. That would definitely be my clothes and shoes. Shoes are done and clothes are about 1/4 of the way there at this point. I'm having another cup of motivation, oops I mean coffee, while I sit here taking a break and blogging about my spring cleaning ... and then i'm back to it.
I set up a system that seems to be working rather well. You see, I usually have a problem with organizing and clearing-out because I just don't have a good system to follow and my brain just doesn't work like that. I've read several books on the subject and i'm finally picking up some things that work for me. Here's how I'm going about it:
1.) break down major task at hand into small, manageable list of areas that i can cross off as i go
2.) start with a small list item ... good for motivation
3.) pull everything out of said list item area and put it on the bed
4.) go through each item and ask "does this make me feel good?"
if yes, try it on, if still yes then put it back in closet/drawer
if no, put in yard sale pile
if i have to think about it for more than 30 seconds after putting in on then it goes in the "bin of contemplation" ... to be dealt with at the end of the list
With this plan i've sent at least 30 pairs of shoes, 15 tank tops, 10 pairs of shorts, and 10 pairs of pants to the yard sale pile. The bottom hanging rack in my closet, which was a single list item, now has one lonely tank top hanging on it ... and that makes me feel way better than looking at the 15 that used to hang there. I think i'm going to put an "everything's a $1" sign on it all at the yard sale, in hopes of selling it all. I really don't care how much money I make. It feels good just to get it all out of the house. And what doesn't sell i'm going to send to the consignment shop I have an account at and what she doesn't want i'm going to donate to Hospice. And whatever money I do make i'm going to keep to do some more thriftin' and find some clothes that fit me now and make me feel good to see them in my room.
It's absolutely amazing to me how much stuff I am now able to let go of. Who knew clothes carried so much emotion. Or is it just me? Anyhow, i'm allowing myself to let go of the time and place associated with each item of clothing and it feels good to do so. I never realized how much all of this stuff was weighing me down. I'm not sure what turned on the light either. Like I said earlier, i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I guess I just finally figured some stuff out. A lot of it has to do with trying to hold on to who I am now that I am a mom before anything else. I've been struggling with myself emotionally and with the loss of independence and time for myself that comes with having children and I realized I needed to make some changes. That's a big part of the reason I decided to head down to Bradenton for a while. I needed to remove myself from my every day life as much as possible while still caring for my children so I could get a grip. I did not like the person I was becoming but i'm happy to say i'm feeling much better about the situation.
I've realized that if I can't change something about my life at the moment then i'm just gonna have to change my thoughts on it. And on that note, now that i'm recharged with motivation, oops ... I mean coffee ... back to that pajama drawer. :)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Okay, so I just typed this whole big post about what happened yesterday and about us coming home today and apparently blogger ate it. Bummer. I'll have to share the beach/shoe story later. We're finally heading home today and i'm ready to get to it. I really miss Brett and I know the boys do too. We're stopping to see Rachel in Palm Harbor and then we'll be on our way back to LC.
Friday, March 16, 2007
top row left to right: Eric, Donny, Traye, Tommy (my brother)
bottom: me & Brody (obviously), Tai (Eric's wife), Missy & Houston, Carly (Traye's daughter) and Illana (Traye's step-daughter)top left to right: Eric, Donny, Traye
bottom: Tai, Carly, Me & Houston, Lindsay, Illana
Lindsay and I went to college together and have always been very close. She was in my wedding (see earlier post). She's more like a sister and friend than a cousin. We were up until 3:30 am last night! I wish we lived closer to eachother and could hang out more often. Eric and I went to school together and even graduated from high school together. His mom also watched me, along with he and his brother, when we were little ... until we were old enough for school. Traye and I were also very close growing up and I was in his wedding. He's the oldest of the florida cousins and i'm the third oldest, Robby falling in-between in age. There are seven Anderson kids (my aunts and uncles) and all of them except for one live here in the Bradenton-Sarasota area. It was fun growing up with such a big family. That's what makes me want to have more kids ... almost.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
They have all the great old-school toys. I want to get some Tinker Toys and some Lincoln Logs for the boys. I love toys that build imagination versus toys that over-stimulate the senses with bells and whistles and lights, etc.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I drove by Bashaw Elementary School. I went here for 4th and 5th grade. I went to a private montessori school for K-3rd but entered the public school system when Bashaw opened it's doors in 1985. This is where I met Andy. I was part of the student body that got to choose the mascot for our new school. I'm pretty sure I voted for the Unicorns but we ended up being the Bashaw Bobcats.
This is the house that my grandparents (father's side) lived in when I was little, before the divorce and before my grandpa passed away. It is a shame to see how run down it is now. It used to be really nice.
And this is one of the big oak trees in the front yard that my cousin Erika and I used to climb in with our Uncle David.
I have more to share but it's late and I have a job I have to get finished and sent in. I'm kind of on vacation but not really. Unfortunately, I had to bring my work with me.
Here's Brody on the walk ... he turned around to look at me through the back of the stroller and ended up passing out that way. He slept like this the whole hour that we were walking and when he woke up he had this big red line across his face from where his forhead was sitting on the edge of the stroller.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
And yoga was great, as usual, even though I haven't made it to class in way too long. Sharon, yoga teacher extroidinaire, had us do an advanced version of triangle pose where one hand is behind your back and the other hand goes through your legs from the front to the back and you clasp your hands together ... very much like a pretzel ... and apparently not many people could do it. After class, the woman that was next to me said "I about fell over when I saw you do that! How in the world did you do that?". I told her that i've been doing yoga for about ten years now. "Ohhhh", she said.
Brett and I have gotten away from my scheduled "mom time" with all the holiday craziness and beginning of the year work overload and last night reminded me of how much I need that. We talked about it and we're going back to sunday afternoons, so I can go to SnB in Gville, and wednesday evenings, so I can go to yoga and accupuncture. I could get used to that! :)
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
He also wants to pick out his clothes, dress himself and put on his shoes without anyone so much as touching anything to even think about helping him. He will firmly tell you "No, I do" and run away from you. And aside from occasionally having his shirt turned backwards, he does a really good job. I told him to make sure the tag of his pants is in the back and that was all he needed. He gets it right pretty much every time. His shirt sometimes gets turned around as he is trying to find the armholes but then he won't let me touch him to fix it. He even picks out matching colored tops and bottoms. Does this mean he will have good fashion sense later on? Hmmm...