Thursday, August 23, 2007

The Last Detail ...

The last detail of me going back to work is being dealt with today. Please send good vibes my way that things will work out how they need to. Everything else has fallen into place better than I could have expected so hopefully this will go the same way. I wish I could handle it myself but i'm home with the kiddos and my dear hubby is handling it for me. Gotta love that man!

I went to yoga last night and as I expected I couldn't calm my mind at all. No matter how hard I tried, my mind kept veering back to thoughts of putting the boys in daycare. Now i've had a lot of less than peaceful yoga experiences over the last ten months or so due to stress that I couldn't manage to leave at the door when I got there as my teacher tells us too. This was different ... somehow, someway. My mind was racing over all the details of what's to come and thoughts of how it's going to work out and all of my hopes and fears about the situation at hand. Even though I couldn't quiet my mind, in a lot of ways it was a better, more healthy kind of stress ... if that makes sense. There's some peace in having a plan and thinking over the details as opposed to the stress of knowing that something has to change but not knowing what that something was and how it needed to change.

I think this is going to be good for me in so many ways and i'm really looking forward to a lot of it. The only hesitation that I keep going back to is that Brody is as young as he is. I really wish I could stay home with him for another ten months but i'm just going to have to get over that. And then there's the stress of my brain and how well it's going to adjust to being an engineer again. People assume and expect really great things from someone they can call a "rocket scientist". It's kind of a blessing and a curse at the same time. It's nice for people to assume i'm smart but it's also a lot to live up to. People, especially my family, seem to think that if i'm not doing something amazing with my life then i'm wasting it ... which sucks. Because there's more to me than being an Aerospace Engineer. A whole lot more. And then there are people that, for whatever reasons or self-esteem issues they have, don't like me because i'm a rocket scientist. I've found it differs by where I live too. I think that's one of the reasons I loved living in Houston. Everyone was a rocket scientist so it wasn't a big deal. I never had to dumb myself down so that I didn't offend anyone. It was the norm, not the exception, for people to have some sort of engineering/science related degree, or two or three. And I never ran into the issues I have run into here of people not liking me because of the title that follows me around. So as I said, it's a blessing and a curse at the same time. I'm not one to really care what others think but sometimes you have to do things just to get along. It's been an interesting transition, this moving to Lake City thing. I think things are finally looking up as far as my career goes though so i'm excited about that. But I digress ....

I haven't been in a true working enviroment in over three years now so I have some doubts/worries about myself. It will probably all work out just fine but i'm a thinker so i'm going to think about it until it does. One thing is for sure though ... i'm ready to start excercising my brain again and bring all that engineering knowledge back to the front. I keep having to remind myself that I did get that degree all by myself and I did work at NASA so there are brains in there. If I can do what i've done in the past, then surely I can handle what lies in front of me. And if people don't like me for it ... well then that's their problem. :P And since i'm on the subject (well sort of) ... I've had people ask me why things "didn't work out at NASA" and that just really upsets me every time it happens. I didn't know I had to go around explaining my life choices to everyone so they didn't assume something "didn't work out". What is that about anyway? So since this is my blog and i've somehow stumbled upon this subject i'll clear it up. We made the choice to move. Things were going very well for me at Boeing/NASA. I got a great review and a great raise and a great bonus every time it came around. And when I left I was told that my job would always be there for me if I wanted to come back. So just in case you are one of those people who think things "didn't work out" for me ... I hope this clears things up. Sometimes I just feel like there is this ghost of NASA and being a "Rocket Scientist" that won't stop following me around. And that ... well that just gets aggrivating.

1 comment:

  1. I've enjoyed reading your blogs. Thanks for sharing! It's always interesting to read about a day in someone else's life. I am glad you have found child care for the boys. It is a tough decision, going back to work. It's nice to know that your guys will be well cared for while you are there.

    I went back part time when Seth was about 9 months old, I think. For the most part, I feel it is good for both of us. He likes to play with his friends and I enjoy using a different part of my brain for a while.

    I hope you will also find the experience a positive one. Have a great first week!